Ctrl – Alt – LET GO

I understand on a rational level that I can not control everything around me. But does that make it any easier to sit calmly and quietly, waiting for life to simply unfold on it’s own time? NO, it absolutely does NOT. As a self-admitted control freak I realize that my impatience and frustration are often irrational but that doesn’t reduce the amount of stress I feel smothering me when I have no choice but to sit idly by and wait for someone else to take action.

I’m exceedingly proactive, always thinking and planning 10 steps ahead and anticipating all possible outcomes. I imagine every type of roadblock I might encounter and how I’ll navigate each one so that I’m rarely taken by surprise or thrown off course. When the inevitable bumps pop up in the road ahead of me, I just bob and weave and block like the expert boxer that I’d like to be but never will. Because of my borderline fanatical need to prepare and be ready for any obstacle, I have an extremely low tolerance for the procrastination and lack of follow through of others.

This is precisely where the universe likes to place me time and time again, right where I have no choice but to breathe and wait for things to play out. Is it to teach me a lesson, to foster patience and zen and the “art of letting go” in me? Most likely. And I’m trying, I really am. BUT IT IS SO HARD!

When we made the decision back in March to sell all of our worldly possessions and become travelling RV dwellers, I knew what a huge undertaking it would be. So I did exactly what I always do: I purchased a new notebook and got started making lists. First, I made a list of all the lists I needed to make (no, I’m not joking. I really did.), then went through and made each subsequent list methodically. Lists of what we need to sell, what we need to buy, budgets, RV shopping comparisons, RV parks, and all the different things we need to do in order to hit the road. Then I set out to check off each item on all of my many lists. In the 6 months since then, we’ve completed almost every single item that I noted and I’m stoked at all we’ve accomplished! We’ve sold or donated every single thing that we own other than what we’re taking with us, including a boat, a car, two trailers and an untold number of household items. We’ve upgraded to a 3/4 ton diesel truck capable of pulling the fifth wheel that we’ve finally agreed upon and our house is listed for sale as well. All that’s left now is to find a buyer, close on the house and use part of the proceeds to purchase the RV and we’re out of here. I’m so proud of all the work we’ve done and honestly amazed at how fast it’s all happened.

But now we’re stuck in this holding pattern and it’s taking a toll on me. Despite how daunting and difficult this whole process has been, I’ve done my part. My list is complete, a tidy little check mark next to every single item. All that was in my power has been handled and now I have no choice but to wait. Wait for the right buyer to view our home, to fall in love with it and make an offer. We’re just now entering week 3 of being listed and I know how impatient and bratty I sound but I can’t help it. Every plan we’ve made, all the work we’ve done all hinges on this house selling. And there is absolutely nothing that I can do now other than wait. The picture above was taken while I waited with the dogs during one of the many showings recently that have not yet yielded any offers. Have I mentioned that patience is not my forte?

The reality is, the house will sell. Stressing and thinking and running scenarios through my mind incessantly will not help or speed up the process whatsoever and I know that. But knowing it does not stop it from happening, it doesn’t stop my heart racing or my stomach churning. I would love to be able to turn it off and just relax but I don’t know how to do that. I try to occupy my time so that I’m not focused on it, I pray often and try to give it up to God while asking Him for peace and the ability to trust that He’s got it all well in hand because I truly believe that He does. I do everything I can think of and that I’m supposed to do, but despite it all I still struggle to completely release my hold on this. My grip is loosening a little bit at a time though, so at least that’s something. I’ll take it. What else can I do, right?

Copyright 2019, all rights reserved.  All images taken by me unless otherwise stated.

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